Already got asked if we're dating
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Vodka?
Forever.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
