I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
