No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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