thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
