he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
