I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
