Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
