DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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