with your own penis?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
