I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
