They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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