Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm sobbing to NWA
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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