My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize