Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
