If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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