turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
