I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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