You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
