I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
