Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
