I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
