Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
