I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
