you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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