My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
