dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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