Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
