On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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