**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
well you can't waste a boner
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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