Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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