just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
