Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
