sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
