If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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