So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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