awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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