How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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