never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
