I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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