he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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