I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
