Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
