What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
