So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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