It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
false alarm, still single
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
