Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
