remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
