dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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