That's intense
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
