o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize