So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
