I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
