are you so shy because you have an std?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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