I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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