He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
