his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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