did you get engaged???
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
