I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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